Perez Hilton vs. That Guy from The Black Eyed Peas

Any publicity is good publicity, riiiiiiiight???? Never to miss a good bandwagon opportunity, we here at The Click by Lavalife Podcast are very excited to bring you patently fake celebrity dating advice about Perez Hilton and That Guy from The Black Eyed Peas. UFC Celebrity Grudge match here we come!

Hey you, need dating advice? Click here.

We Love Elizabeth Bromstein

We here at the Click by Lavalife Podcast Studio don't thank ourselves enough for the amazing job we do each and every week (ok, so we missed a couple of weeks here and there, but who's counting?). So this week, it's time to recognize. RE-COG-NIZE! Elizabeth has taken over main hosting and writing duties for the podcast, as well as contributing to many of the fake celebrity voice overs (shh! don't tell anyone!), so give her a big hand (both of you!) as she's baaaaaaa-ack for another show!

You can also read her articles on the best online dating advice mag ever!

Jury Finds Phil Spector's Wig Not Guilty

Well, it seems that the Jury came back with two decisions last week in the Phil Spector Murder Trial. One I'm sure you've heard, that they found Phil Spector guilty of second-degree murder. What you probably didn't know is that they acquitted Phil Spector's Wig on all counts. We have the very first interview with the now infamous wig, tune in to hear what he has to say about his thoughts post trial.

Jury Still Deliberating on Click

After you've listened to the episode, hop on over to our online lifestyle mag, filled with dating advice and more! Feel free to leave a comment and tell us what you think!

Passion of The Gibson

That's right, we can't keep a secret, this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice comes from none other than the Apocalyptic hottie Mel Gibson! (you know, Mad Max).

After you're done listening in, head on over to our site for some "Chic Mystique" dating advice and get your R&B on! As if that's not enough, read what adventure Indie Girl is having this week on her blog, Indie Girl's Cross Canada Dating Frenzy!

Ghost Writer - Out!

TV's Funniest Catch Phrase

Wondering what the funniest catch phrase on TV is? Listen in to our podcast, we dish the goods on TV's funniest catch phrase, as voted by NBC viewers, it got us in stitches!

Whew! Now that we are all patched up, check out the latest and greatest dating advice over on our site, and make sure to hop on over to Indie Girl's Cross-Canada Dating Frenzy! A coast to coast marathon of 70 dates in 70 days!

Dick Cheney Is Alive!

Dick Cheney is like the Vince Carter of politics... or is Vince Carter the Dick Cheney of basketball? Hmmm. Chicken? Egg? Ham? Now that I have you pondering ideas for your next meal, allow me to introduce this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice from Mr. Dick Cheney, who knows how to step into the shadow and let his Commander-In-Chief take all the heat! Are you really surprised he is speaking up now? Mr. Vice President, it's great that you are finally in the spotlight, congratulations on your soon to be announced book deal! I hope your ankle injury is all better now.

So now that we've possibly alienated half of our listeners, I encourage the other half (all one of you) to head on over to Click, for some real dating advice and more! - Click Here!

Jon and Kate Gosselin: 14 Minutes

Maybe it's my wishful thinking, but I really feel that Jon and Kate Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame have already used 14 of their 15 minutes. Let's hope so anyway. We brought in Kate Gosselin to share her patently fake celebrity advice before her time is up, you can thank us later, much later. Hey, it's a scary coincidence that our fake celebrity is really a fake celebrity, in real life! Well, you know what I mean...

Make sure to check out our site for more dating advice!

Kiefer Sutherland Single-handedly Stops The Chuck Norris Internet Phenomenon

Chris Brown: Take notes. The only defense against messing up someone's face is the chivalry defense. Now seriously, violence is not, nor ever will be condoned by this podcast, but we did manage to get Kiefer Sutherland for this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice segment, the man whom single-handedly stopped the Chuck Norris Internet Phenomenon, dead in its tracks. Seriously, since the latest Keifer news story broke, you haven't heard a peep about Chuck Norris. After all, there is only one man that can hold a higher place in a Geek's heart than Chuck Norris, and that man is Jack!

Click Single-handedly Helps Singles & Lovers

Need a different kind of passion? Click has the latest dating, relationship, and astrological advice. Bored and on BB? Chat by Text, day or night!

Mom Gives Birth To Auto-Tune Baby!

Yes, it's true, isn't everybody using Auto-Tune these days? Coming to a mobile phone provider near you, imagine that - soon all of us will be able to answer our phones in pitch perfect harmony! Heeeeelllllooooo-ooo-o!

In light of this great, great news, we are pleased to present this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice, and this week we spared no expense! We brought down T-Pain, Kanye West, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Avril Lavigne, Rihanna, Chris Brown, and The Black Eyed Peas to the studio, only we wanted to remember the good old days before this new world of living in pitch perfect harmony. Tune in and hear these recording artists like their momma (and family) remembers them!

Auto-Tune your Stars!

After you're done listening to all 72 episodes, hop on over to get the Essential Love Horoscopes for 2009, it's not too late!

Amy Winehouse, Author?

Move over Madonna, the children's section at your local library is about to get some added pomp with a real Brit waxing poetic for the little ones. We hear that Amy Winehouse wants to write poems for children. Apparently this heroine wants to get you to know her, and by sheer marketing genius, she's doing it through your kids! Brits may have lost the good tooth gene, but they sure do make up for it in brains!

Amy Winehouse, Our Guest, again.

So, to report the truth of the matter, we invited Amy back, yes, she's been here before, to give us her take on what her poetic novellas might be about. Tune in, and listen!

After you've heard the latest patently fake celebrity dating advice, head on over and get your dating advice fix.

Cloris Leachman, Super Fly

Yes, you heard it right! We have the infamous Cloris Leachman as our patently fake celebrity dating advice correspondent this week! She dishes on her best kept secret, until now!

Cloris Leachman Clicks!

...and you can too, check out our dating advice articles and more!

Billy Bob Thornton: Douchebag Supreme!

All hail the King...

It seems just fitting that for Podcast #69, we have patently fake celebrity dating advice from Billy Bob Thornton! Sorry Billy, but you are no Joaquin Phoenix, and you're stunt on Jian Ghomeshi's show on CBC Radio, Q TV, landed you in the douchebag seat, easily taking the crown from the disputed title belt holder, Jian himself! White lines? No wonder Billy got so messed up about standing on the "other side" of the white line... < ahem > it was 6 am afterall! Run Angela, run! (oh, you did already, ok, nevermind).

Happy Gorging, it's Easter!

It also seems a little bit ironic, but fitting that episode 69 lands on Easter, a day of feasting and indulgence after prayer and penance.

Check out this week's features, and other delightful reads over on Click, horoscopes and dating advice!

Official North American Spoonfest

That's right, you heard it here first, we are announcing the first North American Spoonfest! All you need to do is grab your partner, or go online dating to find one, hop into bed and get into spoon formation! (Pass it on!)

Spoons vs. Ted Nugent

On the podcast this week, we are delighted (and a little gun shy) to bring you patently fake celebrity dating advice from Ted Nugent!

make sure to head on over to Click for much, much more!

Malawi Dreamin'

Name one thing you know about Malawi that doesn't involve Madonna (and Africa doesn't count!). Anyone? Anyone? I thought so, and neither could we, which is why we are discussing Her Madgeness on the show! Malawi Dreamin', on such a winters' day...

Almost Madonna Free Zone

After you've checked out this week's podcast, why not pick up a new trait and learn to read faces, it's great for party tricks, and can help you on your next date! (We're helpful like that!)

Unreliable Fake Celebrities

We here at the Click Podcast have come to the realization that fake celebrities can be just as unreliable as real celebs! I suppose art really does imitate life, and I guess you are on to us... Yes! That's right, we have no patently fake celebrity dating advice this week. Just the reassuring words of Kim Hughes, letting us know that there will be another day... and another podcast...

Stay Tuned... Fake Celebs!

Tune in this week as we break down the regular; fake celebs or no fake celebs, the show must go on!

If you need more, there's more! Dating advice than you can shake a used Starbucks cup at! Speaking of Starbucks...

My Dog Ate My Colcannon

Happy St. Patty's Day to all the Irish and Irish wannabes! You know, my great-great-great Grandmother's sister's cousin's father was from Ireland! (Or something like that, can I have another beer!?). Tune into this week's boisterous St. Patrick's Day Podcast. We keep bringing out those 80s stars from the closet! You can't hide, Terence Trent D'Arby! (I mean, Sananda Maitreya) Listen in as we attempt to land yet another pseudo-celebrity to interview for our patently fake celebrity dating advice segment! I swear this podcast has gone to the dogs! We've found the World's Most Ugliest Dog, Chomper!

More St. Patrick's Day Delights

Want to get lucky with the Irish? Here's two ways, Sexy Eats: Ireland and Sex Advice from Irish Bartenders. Our best advice, just make sure to have your Hair of the Dog ready for tomorrow morning... and don't forget to kiss me, I'm Irish!

Michael Jackson's #1 Fan

We managed to grab Michael Jackson's #1 fan this week, right after MJ's press conference and in between fainting spells. We tried to get the King of Pop himself for this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice segment, but we were told by his publicist that we were being too nosey. Figures. Listen in to this week's weekly wierd.

Advice for even Michael Jackson Too

Even though we were stopped at the gate, we're not haters, our site has dating advice for even the famous Scarecrow from The Wiz.

Awesome, just awesome.

Sarah Jessica Parker Shocker

I think we've officially eaten one too many bananas, but you be the judge. Listen in as we bring you this week's patently fake celebrity advice from Sarah Jessica Parker's breasts!

No Fake Celebrities Here

Only the news that's fit to upload, dating advice and more at Click

We're the dating advice experts!

I'm glad I got that out of the way because we are also the most awesome podcast experts! Tune in this week as we bring you more love and horror stories from Nadya Suleman, who alleges to not have had sex in 8 years. So no sex in 8 years equals 8 babies?

Oh baby! I'm going to have to make sure that I have sex at least 8 times a day! At least I won't have to worry about conceiving 8 kids at once! I love kids, but I'm not looking to open up a daycare center just yet.

Well here we are, the subarctic chill has released its grip on the citizens of earth, giving way to muddy streets and fog so we can't see the mud and melting dog doo doo (mind your step!). We thought it would be great to have Etta James on the show, but for some reason we couldn't book her, her agent said that the-one-her-mama-named Jamesetta Hawkins, was booked, "At Last".

Don't worry Ms. James, we got your back, there just hasn't been enough ass whooping in soul music as of late, I am getting so tired of all of this, "My baby loves me", and "My baby done left me, (Why she do that?)" themes, what about some good old "Watch your step, I'm gonna whoop ya, baby!", or "You looked at me funny, (I'm going to take your money)".

Just kidding Beyoncé Knowles! You know we be friends!

So, instead of Etta James, we bring you patently fake celebrity dating advice from Elizabeth Bromstein's Bubi.

Get all your dating advice on one site!

It is no coincidence that our celebrity guest for this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice also has a birthday this month! Yes, we are coordinating masters! But there is one person who is perhaps more awesome than us, at least we think so, it is none other than the first Supermodel of the world, Janice Doreen Dickinson!

Now, feeling a little less-than Supermodelish? Find out how to get 10 Times Hotter in 10 Easy Steps, right now!

You're welcome!

While in the line up at Starbucks, I had this great idea to interview a Starbuck's Barista, in between non-fat, grande, soy chai latte with a half shot of espresso and no foam orders, for this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice. Take it away Dylan, Superstar Barista from the Starbucks, just around the corner (not the one across the street, or up a block, or over by the bookstore, the other one... a little bit further... a little bit further... yeah, that's the one!).

Looking for more inspiration? Check out Click by Lavalife</>!

$50k for some cake may be too rich for Russell Simmons, and well, admittedly we side with Russel on this one, and with the hype that is this year's US Presidential Inauguration, we were surprised when we landed this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice, from none other than President-elect Barack Obama!

We got something new for this year too - Essential Love Horoscopes for 2009!

Welcome to yet another, Click by Lavalife Podcast! Well, I was going to say that we're all about closure here, since it is our last Podcast of the season! Yes, I am sorry listener #1 and listener #2, we feel your pain, trust me! However, since we are also all about dysfunction (see previous 56 episodes below), we thought that we'd not continue the B.S. (see bit about closure above), and just get straight to the patently fake celebrity dating advice for this week, a very timely segment from Mrs. Claus! So suck on a candy cane and tune in!

Alright, now that the excitement of unwrapping this merlot of podcast episodes is over, head on over to our site, it's full of cheer, and some dating advice too!

PPS - Don't forget, we have Essential Love Horoscopes for 2009!

Welcome to yet another episode from the Click by Lavalife team! I'm not sure if the word is getting out about us, but we couldn't get any celebrity handlers to return our calls this week... maybe they're just hibernating for the holidays or something.
Anyway, we were able to convince our wonderful event manager to give us a rendition of her Italian father, so please listen in and hear patently fake celebrity dating advice from an Italian dad, and other great info that you need.

After you've been hypnotized by our equivalent-to-NASA audio technology, (we cannot be held accountable if you contact the mothership), head on over to the magazine for some festive dating advice!

No, hell hasn't frozen over, that's the chill of your new free can or bottle of Dr. Pepper! ...and you can thank his royal making us wait for 15 years, pain in the Dr. Pepperiere, Mr. Axel Rose!

I tried going to the Dr. Pepper site, to get me my free can of soda, but all I got was a "Service Unavailable" request. Looks like I'll have to wait a few more hours days years.

Enjoy this weeks broadcast, we bring you patently fake celebrity dating advice from Axel Rose!



Make sure to stop by for some dating advice and love horoscopes, you will click these links now!

In this week's episode, we snag the first casualty of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's relationship, Jennifer Aniston. AKA, way to milk a breakup from three years ago. (I'm being serious here, not sarcastic). In the words of a now forgotten Kinks album, "Give the People What they Want"!

AND the people can get all of their love horoscopes and dating advice on a little magazine we like to call Click!

Welcome to the 53rd Episode of the Click by Lavalife Podcast. What could be more riveting than patently fake celebrity dating advice from Hulk Hogan's former lover, friend, and wife, Linda Hogan. Tune in to find out!

MIssion complete, now that we've totally made ruined your day, head on over to our site for some genuinely great dating advice, It's on us!

The Click by Lavalife Podcast goes Vati-Con this week as we bring you misappropriate patently fake celebrity dating advice from Anne Hathaway's former boyfriend, Raffaello Follieri.

After you've been bamboozled by our most popular podcast, make sure to jump over to some good old fashioned love horoscopes & dating advice!

In this week's patently fake celebrity advice we managed to pick up Roger Waters, of Pink Floyd fame. In case you're interested, you can pick up Pink Floyd's The Wall Stratocaster, it's up for auction on October 15th here

...but before you do that, make sure you check out this week's dating advice

This week's podcast we bring you patently fake celebrity advice from Lindsay Lohan's heartthrob, Samantha Ronson, or Sam Ronson, as she prefers to be called.

After listening to our 50th epsiode! (yeah, we rock!) make sure to not, I repeat, do not, click this link: dating advice for voters. I'm not John McCain, but I did support this subliminal message.

Have you been to Click yet? Click is our online magazine for singles, but it's also great for anyone that needs relationship, sex, & dating advice!

This week's podcast introduces a good friend of ours (well, only if it's in our mind... - I wanted to say, as in Kermit's Rainbow Connection, but I thought that would be too tongue-in-cheek, even for us! Yes, even we have standards... or something), it's someone who has been on our podcast, in one form or the other, before! It's patently fake celebrity advice from Clay Aiken, all of him this time.

Well, with recent events on Wall St., recently unemployed bankers are no longer a scarce resource, so we thought we would bring you patently fake celebrity dating advice frm Blaine Withrow, former Lehman Brothers investment banker.

If you're looking for more politically correct stories, hop on over to Click Magazine!

While Madonna, Justin Timberlake, and Timberland only had 4 minutes, our special guest this week has had a lifetime, and is still counting the years! Please listen in to our fabulous, patently fake celebrity dating advice from Gladys, our 92 years young neighbour down the hall.

When you're done catching up with the Click podcasts, jump right on over to our cat-like-reflexes, nevermiss, big site 'O dating advice!

Welcome to another absolutely fabulous Click by Lavalife Episode! This week we continue in our great journalistic endeavour of leaving no stone unturned, to bring you patently fake celebrity dating advice from the Noel and Liam's often forgotten older brother, Vivian "Viv" Gallagher, whom tried out for the bass part of Oasis, but didn't make the cut. BTW., hope you're feeling better Noel! I think a room full of Man U punters would do that "backstage pass" sod some good!

After you've tuned in to the podcast, stop by our site, it's chock a block with dating advice.

Greetings Earthlings! After watching War of The Worlds re-runs over the weekend, we thought we would bring you something more down-to-earth, and what could be more down to earth than an Hawaiian Shirt, really! So, without further adieu, please listen in to this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice from an Hawaiian Shirt!

Need something even more grounded? Check out this week's dating advice articles, and other great stuff on Click!

So the Olympics are on and we thought what better way to celebrate the international event than scoring an interview with an actual Olympian! No! Not Michael Phelps, we felt strongly that we should highlight one of the more obscure competitive sports with an individual from one of the more obscure competing nations. So, without further pomp and dazzling Olympic glory, we are excited to bring you patently fake celebrity Olympic dating advice from an Olympic Competitive Racewalker all the way from The Republic of The Gambia!

Make sure to grab all the dating advice and tips from Click!

Welcome to another Click by Lavalife Podcast! We give insanity the green light this week with a tribute to Clay Aiken's hair! Remember this? How could you forget the last time we had patently fake celebrity dating advice from Clay Aiken?!?

Now onto the site! This week on Click, it's First Vacation Dos & Don'ts By Sarah Rowland, followed with Shawn Conner's piece, Nightly Nookie - Romance Rescuer?. Also, don't forget to check out Sex Advice from Sailors and this week's love horoscopes!

Who says you can't always get what you want? Although this may apply to the rest of the world, it sure seems to not apply to current members of The Rolling Stones. I guess they all called out, "If you make it, you can break it" when they made the iconic song, and it sure does makes sense, what with "Their Satanic Majesties Request" for Keith Richards immortality and all. Now Mr. Ronnie Wood has been rumored to have broken up with Jo and is now dating Ekaterina Ivanova, the Russian Cocktail waitress who likes English rock stars and Harry Potter lookalikes.

We are thrilled to bring you this patently fake celebrity dating advice from the beautiful Ekaterina, who disputes her rumored sex worker past but reaffirms that she is just a young Russian girl who likes "nice handsome men".

Over on the dating advice side of things, find out if Familiarity Breeds Content in Nathan Ciprick's first article for us, he might just shatter the adage that opposites attract, click here to find out. Confessions of a Snoop by Lisa Daily looks at snooping and finds out that if you need to look in the medicine cabinet, then that medicine may not be right for you, metaphorically speaking of course. So, trust your guts, which brings me to introduce Elizabeth Bromstein's interview with former story editor for Sex and the City and the co-author of He's Just Not That into You, Liz Tuccillo. Sex and the City Writer talks Single Life and if I may say, if you are single, these two links are for you:
online dating
boomer dating

Don't forget to check out our latest Profile Doctor: Needs Oomph Injection and "If you knock long and hard enough, someone is bound to answer" Gemini! Read your weekly love horoscopes.

Welcome to another Click by Lavalife Podcast, Episode 41! This week we figured since America is baking her apple pie in the summer sun, we would bring you a professional in the field of competition eating, so please welcome our patently fake celebrity dating advice from none other than competitive eating champ Takeru Kobayashi!

Need to cool down? Get some chills by reading Lola Augustine Brown's Dating Advice from the Other Side. I think I crapped my pants. Can I get into yours? Nick Krewen drops science on the World's Most Awesome Pick-Up Lines so you can avoid the dubious 10 Really Cheesy Lines (and 10 to Avoid at All Costs) (for example above see Grim, #6).

The Film Sommelier's La Vie en Rose by Christopher Sawyer will help you decide which shade and year to uncork for this biopic of French cultural icon Edith Piaf. Sex Advice from Graphic Designers will help you to get your nudie pics back from your ex (we're all about helping).

Don't worry Taurus, you can work out the "or else" part later! Read your love horscope and learn what the stars have in store for your heart this week.

Welcome to the Click by Lavalife Podcast Episode 40! We'd like to introduce Giuseppe the Mime for the much loved weekly segment that we like to call our patently fake celebrity dating advice. Remember, Mime's are not clown's, they are artistes!

Need dating advice? drop by the online magazine, Click.lavalife.com.

Well it seems quite possible that Madonna is responsible for the melting polar ice caps, as Madonna the Destroyer is at it again. This time she has set the Rodriguez family squarely within her sights, and with A-Rod recently being hexed by jeers, beers, and pictures of the Prehistoric One, from Toronto Blue Jay fans, we took the opportunity to invite C-Rod into our studio (ok, would you believe a conference call from Paris?), please listen in to our patently fake celebrity dating advice from Cynthia Rodriguez.

On the site this week, great tips on breaking the ice with How to Talk to Anyone by Lola Augustine Brown. Check out what new technology sites are doing to dating with Exposed! Privacy Perils in the Modern Age by Shawn Conner. We'd like to take this opportunity to point out that this online dating site goes to great lengths to protect your privacy, so browse away!

Also on the site, if flexibility, joke gags, and balloons are your thing, find out how to pick up a clown with Sex Advice from Clowns, I've always wanted to see if I can make honking noises with their red noses myself.

Friday is full of passionate, loving vibrations that will make you irresistible Capricorn, I bet you'll want to read your love horoscope now!

Kim is away this week, and we've joined an elite force of Commandos. Joining the ranks of Lt. Lohan and Sgt. Spears, we're not wearing any underwear!

Our second installment of the Madonna Tracker ™ finds our material girl has landed in America. Tune in and find out what happens next!

Over on the site, Shawn Conner looks at age gaps in relationships with Viva l'Age Difference, our profile doctor saves another single's soul, and we bring you Sex Advice from Scuba Divers.

Get ready to krump into your next stage of life Sagittarius, read your weekly love horoscope!

This week's background soundscape provided by batchku

Well, to be totally honest with you, in this week between two major North American Holidays, we didn't think bringing you the usual hard-hitting journalism that were known for would be of interest to you, our one and loyal listener. So, we thought we would honour this time by bringing you a message from our Head of State, Her Majesty, The Queen of England, House of Windsor's own, Elizabeth II.

On the site this week, Kelly Jones helps you get off the dating hamster wheel and looking for a little long-term love instead with how to Turn Dates into Mates. Elizabeth Bromstein asks Is Sex with Strangers Liberating? Also on the site, we bring you Sex Advice from Pit-Bull Owners.

In the game of Hearts, thoughtful, caring gestures take the trick just about 100 per cent of the time Scorpio. Read up on your love horoscopes.

Steve Guttenburg, Ultimate Fighter in training? (proof, here) Listen in as we scoop up one of the 3 Men and a Little Lady stars just in time to bring you this week's explosive, patently fake celebrity dating advice.

Over on the site we explore the relatively new phenomena of keeping tabs on your ex through social media in Tracking Your Exes by Ambrose Diaz. Also find out what, exactly the best meal to prepare for someone you're trying to seduce is, in Sex Advice from Food Writers.

Cancer, you'll finally find out when you can hit that start button! Find out more with our weekly love horoscope.

The Click by Lavalife team are proud to bring you the latest, the greatest, the most hard hitting, patently fake celebrity dating advice yet. We apologize for our tardiness in getting this up, but someone forgot to feed the gnomes. Sorry!

This week we are pleased as punch to bring you advice from the Pitt-Jolie clan! or is that Jolie-Pitt... ...anyway, anything is better than calling them Brangelina. Anything.

Over on the site, make sure to read up on Dating Single Daddies by Lisa Daily, The good news: It's easier to get dates. The bad news: It's harder to keep them. Shawn Conner gets rose-petal-rolled in Deluxe Holidate Uncorks Romance, move over Kevin Spacey, this rose is not for you! Also our regular advice feature bursts into a fireball with Sex Advice from Fire Spinners.

Speaking of fire, give yourself a break Libra, ponder all your options and put any decisions on hold. I ain't preachin', but If you take the bait can you later, in good conscience, blame the fisherman?

Find out more with our Weekly Love Horoscopes.

No gnomes were harmed during the recording of this podcast.

Well, we up here in the frozen tundra are so happy that things seem to finally be thawing out. Yes, that's right, we can now wear our sunglasses without them sticking to the bridge of our nose! It may reduce our Doctor's billables, but 'tis only for one season!

Did you know that the smarter a fly is, the shorter their lifespan? It's true! ...and not just because it's on the internet either, we present our weekly, sure to win a CRMA, patently fake celebrity dating advice from the smartest fly in the world, Benny.

Now, about the site. Are you dating a P.I.M.P? Our Elizabeth Bromstein breaks it down in So You're Dating a Player. Find out who groupies love to hate in Immortalized In Song: A Muse Meant For Love by Nick Krewen. Also, get charmed with our Sex Advice from Southern Belles!

Aries, your vacation or business trip will be a roaring success this week! That is, if you can keep your sense of humor (like, for example, when you arrive but your luggage doesn't). Get all the sage cosmic advice in our Love Horoscopes.

Sometimes we hear real-life situations and tend to almost always over-think them. This is one such story. The characters and incidents portrayed and the names herein are fictitious true and any similarity to the name, character and history of any person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and unintentional (just because the truth really can be stranger than fiction). Curious yet? Click that play button and find out, it's our weird, wacky, patently fake celebrity dating advice, and this time it's from... Clay Aiken's sperm!

Over on the site this week, Shawn Conner explores Use the Force, Dude: Dating in the New Age while Ambrose Diaz gives us a little Celluloid Sex Ed. and we bring you Sex Advice from Ukulele Players. Yes, you read it correctly, Sex Advice from Ukulele Players.

Are you cosmically confused? Join the thousands of people (confused and determined alike) who read our Love Horoscopes religiously (you know, with extreme conscientiousness) each week! Tuesday's good news New Moon is positioned to bring a new mentor, friend, lover or baby into your life Aquarius! Let us know which of the four happened for you, we're taking a poll!

This week's episode is like a High School battle of the bands! First up, it's the trippy psychedelic rock of the Accidental Erections, our patently fake celebrity dating advice and this time it's a guy from a nudist colony! Tune in, you won't believe it! Next band to rock out on the triple bill is the quaint, quirky power pop of Friday Night Sweat Pants, When Couples Become Slobs, Sarah Rowland looks at the socio-phenomena of letting yourself go that follows after the honeymoon is over. Read up to avoid the relationship 'black hole'. Rounding out tonight's pimple cream bonanza is the 8 piece death metal/grunge outfit, 4 Warned, 4 Armed, which is what you have to be this week as there is chaotic cosmic activity abound! No sign is safe, but that doesn't mean you can stay indoors either! Read up on your weekly Love Horoscope.

Also on the site this week, Sex Advice from Voiceover Artists and our exclusive Film Sommelier.

To end this week's write up, if your name is Robert Muraine, you are pop-locking awesome!

That's right kids, we're back and stranger than ever, it's the Click by Lavalife Podcast Episode 31! (Note to self, better come up with a less generic title for future episodes). Anyhoo, this broadcast we pay tribute to that time before the Golden Era in film, the Silent Era! (Imagine all that dough producers must have saved by not having any speaking roles!*). We here at Click, are proud to present patently fake celebrity dating advice from Buster Keaton!

How much was that buttered popcorn? Apparently it didn't exist as a movie going snack until 1928, as "...During the silent era, people were too rapt to chow down. As director King Vidor said, 'Popcorn and necking only came into pictures with the talkies.'" source: The Spectator, Jan. 1, 2000, Century of discovery by Mark Steyn. Duly noted, silent films are really bad date ideas for the old arm-stretch fake out, fingers-crossed, hail mary first base maneuver, (Guys, do you do this anymore? See our related article, Not Another Movie Date!).

Which brings us to this week's features and must reads on the site, keep paying attention guys, Shawn Conner goes deep and finds the holy grail for dudes, 11 Great Places to Meet Women. Who else but Click gives you this relevant, comprehensive, free dating info? Don't forget to give us a high five when you meet your future date at one of these locations, and do your homework, watch these films (see how we're tying everything together here?)

Going off a bit from the path, (guys, keep paying attention) we delve into some cultural trends, taboos, and fixations regarding Caucasian males dating Asians with the controversial question, What's the Fixation with Asians? Memo to INXS: you need to rewrite your song. Also on the site, Sex Advice from Photographers and our weekly love horoscopes, good news for you Pisces, there's no guilt in being mentally detached this Sunday!

This week's sound bite courtesy of FreqMan, thanks FreqMan, you're two for two!

*Stars salaries were spiraling even in the hayday of the silent flicker. In 1914, Mary Pickford signed a deal for $104,000 per year (worth $2.1 mil. in 2007 dollars). Two years later, Charlie Chaplin signed a $675,000 per year deal ($13.6 mil in 2007 dollars). Still, $2.1 to $13.6 mil. today is pretty much indie film budget territory, or year 2000, "Dude, Where's My Car?" type box office success from a major studio.
sources: The Spectator, Jan. 1, 2000, Century of discovery by Mark Steyn and the-numbers.com.

Kim Hughes is back and brings you the best of what's on the site this week as well as a special guest, dating advice from an acid trip! (file under, truth {...even made up truth...} is stranger than fiction!).

On the magazine this week, read our great article by Kelly Jones, Are You Dating a Gold Digger?.

Also over on Click this week, Sex Advice from Foreign-Exchange Students and there is no such thing as wasting time when you are having a good time, Cancer, read this week's Love Horoscope.

Welcome to the 29th rendition (eek, geek speak!) of the Click by Lavalife Podcast, it's our tribute to artificial intelligence! The keen, slightly charming, but somewhat robotic sounding Googlebot hosts this special episode! Our patently fake celebrity dating advice returns with something, not someone you know dearly, the angry piece of paper!

On the site this week, Ambrose Diaz asks the question, Sex with Robots? Maybe… Also, Dating the Doppleganger By Nick Krewen helps you identify if you are replacing or renewing your previous relationship.

But wait... that's not all! Make sure to check out your weekly love horoscope. Love is in the air Sagittarius, and drifting your way! While you're here, why not dust off the hookah (but please hear our PSA first) and get Sex Advice from Miss High Times Contestants! Seriously...

This week on the podcast we tried to bring you fabulous patently fake celebrity dating advice from Wesley Snipes, but the U.S. Government got him first. Hey Uncle Sam, in the words of Chubb Rock, "Treat 'em right!"
So, instead of Mr. Snipes, all we could drum up was some dude who was Born To Rock!

Over on the site this week, make sure to check out What's Worse: An Affair or a Prostitute? With over 60% polled saying an affair would be worse than a prostitute, maybe "Client 9" had the right idea... afterall?

Thanks to NoiseCollector for the righteous licks!

This week, we have a great send off to a dear friend, patently fake celebrity advice from the Chimichanga. ¡Buena suerte!
Over on the mag this week, we bring you File Under: Love, Lust… or Later. Confused about your role in a potential relationship and want to stem the tide of the "only friends" mantra, or vice versa? Click here and discover tips on how to pick up signs on catagorization and how to handle being catagorized. You can thank us for the solid later. ;)

This week we are very excited and pleased to bring you patently fake celebrity dating advice from the only person on this planet who would survive a catastrophic doomsday event, Keith Richards!
On another note, "Everything in life has an expiry date.", so says this week's timely feature, on how to Spring Clean Your Life. I think Spring Fever is contagious, and probably the only virus I would ever want to catch. Spring over here.

This week on the podcast we bring you patently fake celebrity dating advice from renowned Serbian dating expert, the incomparable Belgrade babe, Mila Petrović-Jovanović.
Now that we've teased you with our awesome podcast, click on over to the magazine, where we dish out on Telling Your Friend She's Dating a Dick. You've got a bad feeling about your friend's new beau? Not sure how to approach this sensitive matter? We tell all (we're good at that) on the when, where, and how, (and also, the when not). What? still here? What are you waiting for, click here!

This week we forego the usual patently fake celebrity advice for a PSA on the perils of drugs (apparently they're back?) and the new lingo that kids speak. ...Jib? ...Hippyflip? Who knew!?!?
On the site this week Kelly Jones writes a wonderful piece on Deciphering Mixed Messages. Maybe we can get Kelly a consulting job with the Government?

It seems the cash starved Heather Mills was willing to drop by the podcast for some illuminating (as in shiny gold) patently fake celebrity advice. It's a different kind of "To Sir With Love" in 2008.
On the site this week, A Guy's Guide to Dating Guys (For Girls) and more sex advice, entertainment, humour, and candid analysis from America's Best Dance Online Dating Crew.

Nick Nolte returns this week to the Click by Lavalife Podcast, well truthfully we could only obtain a part of Nick Nolte due to contractual obligations by Nick Nolte's handlers. So, without further adieu, please tune in to hear patently fake celebrity dating advice from Nick Nolte's liver! (Please listen responsibly).
On the only internet shoppe that matters this week, check out Seconds Please: Delicious Date Ideas By Lena Katz, Sex Advice from Trampoline Owners, and Playing for Keeps?
Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Did you know that rapper 50 Cent has a conjoined twin? Listen up as we drop science on all y'all about Fiddy's little known conjoined twin, Wilbur Cent. Get the 411 here about Hip Hop's latest rising star. Now that's Dope! (or maybe soap on a rope).
New this week over at the most Awesome site ever, 6 Signs You're Their Rebound and Pheromones: The Science of Attraction. We're dropping so much science this week it should be illegal.
Peace out.

Original beat provided by torn.rugged.audio.35 and looped by Wilbur Cent.

Welcome to our fabulous, quasi-prestigious 20th episode! Make sure to listen to Kim and this week's patently fake celebrity dating advice from Eleanor Abernathy, the Crazy Cat Lady of The Simpsons fame.
On the "She's So Popular" dating related website this week, Can Relocating Boost Your Odds at Love? and Sex Advice from League Bowlers, you don't want to miss it!

Welcome to the nineteenth installment of the Click by Lavalife Podcast series, we forego the usual patently fake celebrity advice for some exciting revelations about people and dating from Chlorophytum comosum, otherwise known as the common houseplant.
On the magazine this week we have two great features, Turning a Good Catch into a Great One by Lola Augustine Brown and Carnal Comics: Sex in Ink by Shawn Conner.

On this week's show, we bring you the patently fake celebrity dating advice from Barron Hilton, named after his grandfather, and brother to Paris Hilton.
Make sure to check out Click Magazine for our feature article on Just Good Friends, and Sex Advice from Circus Performers.

On this week's show we invite patently fake celebrity dating advice from Melanie B. aka Melanie Brown aka Scary Spice of Spice Girls fame, only she's a little preoccupied and seems to have a momentary mental lapse about which group she's in.
In the magazine this week, our feature article lists the 10 Places to Have Sex Before You Die, you don't want to miss it!

This week's episode we managed to scoop Brad Pitt for our patently fake celebrity dating advice, kudos to Kim for the snag!
On the boombastic site this week, I Love Valentine's Day, Dammit! and I Hate Valentine's Day, Dammit!, along with a relationship piece on Clean and Sober Dating. Also, don't forget to check out surprisingly sober Sex Advice from Former Frat Boys all available on Click by Lavalife.

This week we came up short on finding any patently fake celebrities, but we did encounter Ned from Accounting, roaming the halls, reciting spreadsheet formulas for any one who would listen, which, sadly meant he was alone. We took him in like an adopted son, fed him some hot cereal, and asked him for some sound dating advice. We hope you enjoy this week's episode.
On the best dating and singles magazine ever, learn about Knocking Yourself Up, Groupies Galore: 80s Rock Stars Dish (Everything you ever wanted to know about the sex lives of Mike Reno, Sebastian Bach and Taime Downe), and Sex Advice from Volvo Owners. Also, don't forget to check out your horoscope for this week!

While some of us are experiencing the ultimate in frigid cold weather this week, we the folks at Click by Lavalife thought we might spice things up a little by inviting the patently fake Celebrity dating advice of British crooner Robbie Williams. On the magazine this week, Sexy Eats: Nashville, Buffalo, Niagara-on-The-Lake aka sexy eats for great dates at perfect restuarants, Lisa Daily answers Does Marriage Make You Boring?, learn what Corduroy has to say about sex advice, tips from the Profile Doctor, and sex and dating horoscopes.

Another Click by Lavalife Podcast episode is up! After you've given it a listen, and received the monotone stylings of Katie Holmes, who gives us her take on some patently fake Celebrity dating advice, drop by the site for tips on Amazing Oral for Him, what all the fuss over Blabbermush is about in Is Blabbermash the New Dr. Phil?, Sex Advice from Marketers, The Film Sommelier Cabernet Franc and Ratatouille, and your weekly Love Horoscopes. All for you on Click.lavalife.com!

Welcome back to the Click by Lavalife Podcast Series, we hope your New Year is full of joy, fantastic experiences, and of course, laughter (it is the best medicine)! On Click Magazine this week, Romance on the High Seas, Tips for Dating a Cheapskate, How to Massage Like a Pro, the Sex and Love Horoscopes, and Sex Advice from Zamboni Drivers. Who makes a guest appearance on the show this week? None other than the mother of Chelsea Victoria Clinton, daughter of Dorothy Rodham, and wife of William Jefferson Clinton, aka the 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton. Esteemed in her own right, we seek patently fake Celebrity dating advice from Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton.

The eleventh and final Click by Lavalife Podcast Episode of the year! It's the year in review! Don't forget to check out Click.lavalife.com and if you're single on New Year's, you really need to read Single's Guide to Surviving New Year's and don't forget to read our Best Sex & Love Quotes Ever. Thanks for reading our great articles, and thanks for tuning in to the Podcast, week after week! Stay tuned for the start of our 2008 season on January 8th, you don't want to miss it!

music provided by reinsamba

Happy Holidays from Lavalife's Click Magazine! This week the indomitable Kim makes the perilless trip to the North Pole to interview on of Santa's Elves, and to her horror, she encounter's the Angry, Downsized Elf...
...and don't forget the moral of the story, please save an elf this season!

Sleigh Bells courtesy of daveincamas

Click by Lavalife completely avoids the opera this week, going straight to the heart of the matter of what you need in life. Episode 9 brings you more antics from the host and a secret identity is revealed!? Stay tuned for more online dating, sex advice, dating tips, and romance decoded. Head on over to Click and read this week's feature on the weird world of work husbands your weekly love horoscope, and what every guy needs to know, amazing oral for her.

Music courtesy simondsouza

The eighth in the weekly series from Click by Lavalife, with more Patently Fake Celebrity Dating Advice from Kanye West and tips on How Not To Impress Your Date. On the magazine this week we get serious with tips on Avoiding the Controller, we get whimsical with The Film Sommelier's Holiday Film & Wine Pairings, and more dating advice, our weekly horoscope, and sex advice. It's all found at http://click.lavalife.com.

The seventh installment in the weekly series from Click.lavalife.com, this week's episode marks the return of our celebrity dating advice featuring SoCal's adopted daughter Mischa Barton, and tips for guys on being Kissed Off Before the First Kiss (and tips for women as well, check out the sidebar) as well as finding out what could be a (Wo)man's Best Friend.

Another exciting episode in the Click by Lavalife Podcast weekly series! Check out Holiday Gifts for New Loves 2007 right now at Click.lavalife.com. Avoid gifting something impersonal, after reading the articles on Click, make sure to visit the Holiday Gift Guide and pick up something unique for your loved one. This podcast was interrupted for breaking news... something about aliens landing within the continental U.S.?

Morse code provided by FreqMan

This is the fith episode from Click by Lavalife, the contemporary magazine for singles. To read more about the single mom conundrum, for those single parents who are dating, and the art of picking up women, for you single guys out there, visit Click.lavalife.com. We are delighted to have the patently fake Mr. T. grace our studios this week, and we love the real Mr. T.! (more celebrities should be like him - and be on our show).

This is the fourth episode in the weekly series from Click by Lavalife, the contemporary magazine for singles. To read more about feeling good about your body and positive body images visit Click.lavalife.com. This week's patently fake Celebrity advice from Amy Winehouse will make you feel better (hopefully).

Bleeps provided by ermine

This is the third podcast episode from Click by Lavalife, the contemporary magazine for singles. To read more about surviving as a single visit Click.lavalife.com. The not-so-real Celebrity, Charlize Theron, makes her appearance on this week's show.

This is the second episode from Click by Lavalife, the contemporary magazine for singles. To read more articles about dating, relationships, and intimacy visit Click.lavalife.com. This week's fake Celeb is the fun and playful Shakira.

This is the very first episode from Click by Lavalife, the contemporary magazine for singles. To read more, Online Dating, Sex and Romance Decoded visit Click.lavalife.com. In this episode, Nick Nolte gets the send up as our inaugural, patently fake Celebrity.